Has anyone ever thought of adopting, had a friend that was adopted, or had friends that adopted? Here’s my journey in case adoption is heavy on your hearts.
On June 29th, 2009 my wife pregnant at 30 weeks and 6 days was hospitalized and had to have an emergency c-section because she developed atypical HELLP syndrome and was literally dying with the only cure was to take the baby. We delivered a beautiful 3 lb 4oz son who stayed 6 weeks in the NICU. My wife is a pediatrician and was in the last year of her residency. We later had tests done on her and she had the most severe form of atypical HELLP syndrome and if she were to get pregnant again it would happen all over and she would have to deliver even earlier the ob gyn predicted. So that promtped me into getting a vascectomy.
When my son was nearly three, I remember driving down the road and became emotional and called my wife and said I want to adopt a baby girl. She started crying and said she wanted a baby girl too.
We started doing our homework and found CAC which stands for Christain Adoption Consultants. We spent around $3,000 for them to build us a great portfolio that would be used to present to birth mothers and we were assigned Karalee Alvey to help us throughout the process and just be there and pray for us and keep us positive. She has adopted herself and understands the process and the challenges. She was a God send. CAC shared with us the agencies they recommended and to stay away from the non reputable ones. So we went with several free agencies that CAC worked with and we paid for a processing fee to Guardian Angel and Heart to Heart out of Salt Lake City. SLC has several adoption agencies because of the great adoption laws there in Utah.
During the early process we selected we wanted a girl and preferably white since we are but that we are open to other races and made emphasis that we didn’t want any birth mom on drugs. They told us it may take us years for that but for us to stay positive. Three months after submitting our portfolios we were matched with a young mother.
So our family of three flew up to Salt Lake City to meet the birth mother and her mom. The birth mom was lovely but her mom was over the top and shamed her daughter many times during the meal. I felt like the birth mothers mom was punishing her for getting pregnant out of wedlock because they were really religious. On our flight home we get a phone call from our agency Heart to Heart and the birth mom had concerns with us bc they didn’t like the name we had picked out. We picked out Londyn and she said it sounded like a snobby name because of the tv show “The Sweet Life of Zac and Cody.” So we agreed to change it and even use the birth moms first name as our daughters middle name. So three days before her baby was to be born we get a phone call from our agency and we were so excited, but it wasn’t a phone call we were expecting. The birth mom and her mom had dinner with the minister they met while being there in Salt Lake City and he wanted to adopt her baby so that’s what they decided to do. We were heart broken, had already had a baby shower, our bags were packed and ready to go, and it made us feel like we weren’t good enough for this family.
So another 4 months lapse and we have another failed match but that one was only 4 days after picking us and from the phone call we had I knew she deep down wanted to keep the baby for herself.
A few weeks later we get a call from be agency and we were matched again. So instead of flying we decided to drive 23+ hours. We get there the day before her scheduled induction. Birth mom didn’t want us there so we stayed back. Two days pass and mom still wanted her time with the baby but was still giving baby up for adoption. Third day we get a call that birth mom was being discharged and she’s taking the baby home to have one night with the baby and would come to agency the next day and sign up her rights. The 4th day we get a call from our case worker and she’s in tears. Mom played everyone and kept the baby.
Two weeks pass and we get a call from an expected mother. The interview went great and she picked us. We found out that her race was Navaho Indian, Algonquin Indian, Panamanian (Hispanic/black) and Caucasian. Birth mom joked and said she’s everything but Asian. Birth mom had the baby and we flew up to the hospital. Baby had a traumatic birth and came out not breathing. She received appropriate oxygen management and was placed in the NICU. We met birth mom and on that second day she signs over rights and our sweet Londyn was ours. The moment we saw her she was the most beautiful babe we had ever seen. We got to bring her home two weeks later after we did all the court hearing and legal documentation plus spending a week in the NICU. She has American Indian so we had to also go through Indian court.
Adoption is a roller coaster ride and not for the weary. I remember after our third failed adoption, I asked our case manager what’s the record of failed adoptions and she said 4 with the 5th one being successful and I told her I’m willing to break the record if we had to!
I hope this may have encouraged you to seek out adoption or if you were currently in the process for you to stay positive.